


Both Deserve Happiness

by zarabithia



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Past Padme/Anakin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-26 19:48:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15008087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarabithia/pseuds/zarabithia
Summary: The Republic falls, but Anakin doesn't. Together, Obi-Wan and Anakin lead the hunt to find Palpatine. Eventually, they have to face the fact that their relationship has changed.





	Both Deserve Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the kiss meme. Anon asked for 69. Following The Kiss With A Series Of Kisses Down The Neck

Anakin wants to spend longer on the transmission. Luke and Leia are getting bigger with each passing minute, and not being able to tell them goodnight in person feels like an immense failure. No matter what had ever happened on Tatooine, no matter how long and hard the day might have been, his mother had always found time to kiss him goodnight. He wonders how much of a failure he might be in her eyes, if she could see him now. 

But he can't go home. He can't return to his ex-wife or stay with the children. Right now, he and Obi-Wan have a mission to do, and it's one that must be completed for the _sake_ of Luke and Leia.

But it's still a long walk back to the small cave that he and Obi-Wan are sharing. 

"How are they?" Obi-Wan asks, gesturing to the stove at the same time. Their lives are like that, these days. Each moment isn't to be taken for granted, and every second is one in which they have to be as busy as possible. 

The Clone Wars seem like decades ago - despite being only five years ago - and each time Anakin thinks of them, he thinks of how much more relaxed they had been in comparison. But maybe that's where they had all gone wrong. Maybe if they hadn't been so kriffing relaxed all of the time, they would have seen what was right there in front of their face... before it was too late.

Anakin scoops up part of what his mother used to call "Desperate Porridge." The familiar ache that he always gets when he thinks of his mother is there, but he pushes it down as he gets a second helping of it. There's some snake in there, and something that used to be a plant. There hadn't been enough water rations to make it a very thin porridge, and it clings stubbornly to the spoon as Anakin tries to put it into the makeshift bowl. 

"They're fine," Anakin says as he sits down next to Obi-Wan. "Luke misses me, and Leia is planning on becoming a general so she can find Palpatine herself." 

There's sympathy there; Anakin can feel it through the bond. He feels so much through their bond these days. He wonders why he never felt it before, in the last war they fought at each others sides. Maybe that was part of Palpatine's manipulations, too. Or maybe Anakin had simply been that foolish.

He takes a bite of his porridge. It lacks spices, but the hunger that has been gnawing at him for two days makes the food go down easier than it otherwise would. 

"And Padmé?" 

Obi-Wan asks about Padmé a lot. It shouldn't surprise Anakin, honestly, because he knows that the two of them respect each other. He also knows that Padmé asks about Obi-Wan a lot. Now that the feverish jealousy and paranoia that had once almost consumed him have eased, he no longer believes the seeds of treachery that Palpatine had once tried to plant.

But he also knows they deserve each other. They deserve happiness and goodness in a way that Anakin can never give both of them. 

"Do you have feelings for her?" It slips out before he can help himself. 

It's a foolish, wicked, and unfair thing to ask a man who has always stood by Anakin, no matter what. 

Between their bond, Anakin feels confusion and then the slightest bit of anger. It glides through the air, as small and unwelcome as sand in a storm. For the first time since the day Obi-Wan had bought Anakin back from the edge of the Dark Side, the bond between them is painful. 

He shouldn't have asked it. Is he still letting Palpatine ruin things between them? He'd allowed it to go on for so long.

"I'm sorry," he offers to Obi-Wan. It's the least of what he owes Obi-Wan, but he offers it as freely as he can. 

"How could you think..." Obi-Wan trails off, and he puts his spoon into the bowl angrily. "How could you think that I would betray you that way?" 

"It isn't a betrayal. She and I – that's in the past." That too is something that Anakin will take the blame for, because every time he looks at her, he thinks about how it felt to come that close to falling. He thinks about how he almost betrayed everyone. 

If Obi-Wan had not felt Anakin's distress through the Force bond and abandoned the Utapau mission... If he hadn't returned in time to stop Anakin from following Master Windu, maybe Anakin would have fallen completely; no - there is no maybe about it. Anakin knows he would have. And it all would have been because of Anakin's feelings for Padmé.

He thinks of that, each time he looks at beautiful, sweet Padmé, and she could never be expected to continue to love a man who shudders each time he touches her. 

The anger in the bond lessens, and Obi-Wan tiredly pushes the bowl away from him. "I love Padmé, Anakin. As a very dear friend. She and Bail... are the only ones I truly trust in the rebellion against the Empire back home. I'm glad to have them there while we chase down Palpatine. But my feelings for her are not romantic." 

"You deserve each other," Anakin says softly. "You're the kindest, best people I know. You both deserve... happiness." 

Obi-Wan's hand settles on Anakin's shoulder. "So do you, my dear friend. Perhaps, once Palpatine is dead, you will find it again. With Luke and Leia and myself by your side." 

Anakin considers that future, and he wants it more than he has wanted anything since he roamed the desert of his home world looking for his mother. "You're going to be my happiness, huh?" 

It's a tease, and a flutter of embarrassment blushes across Obi-Wan's cheeks. "I didn't mean to imply - "

"I did," Anakin says, and Obi-Wan goes still for a moment. 

All at once, however, the stillness is abruptly ended by Obi-Wan leaning over to kiss Anakin on the lips. Both of their lips are dry, and the kiss gives Anakin plenty of room to advance or pull away.

It's a question, in the form of a kiss.

Anakin answers it as enthusiastically as he can. His metal hand slips into Obi-Wan's hair, urging him even closer. Anakin parts his lips and presses into the kiss even more deeply. 

There's forgiveness in that kiss. It's the same unconditional forgiveness that Padmé once offered, but this time it's from a man who knows just how close Anakin had come to succumbing to the darkness. It's forgiveness and want from a man who Palpatine tried so hard to steal Anakin away from, and if this is Anakin's last night before he becomes one with the Force, this is how he wants to spend it - kissing Obi-Wan.

His mouth grows needy, though, and begins to travel down Obi-Wan's jawline. He wants to explore every inch of Obi-Wan's neck with his mouth, and he has nearly succeeded when Obi-Wan pulls away.

"Anakin," he says, his voice full of regret. "Not yet." 

"Why not?" Anakin asks, because he wants to be selfish – just this once. The never ending war that began with the Clone Wars and now has them fighting against Palpatine _and_ his clone army make him be selfless so often, and so does his devotion to his family. 

But just this once, he wants to give in and not be. 

"Because tomorrow is another long day, and we don't know when we'll have the opportunity to eat again," Obi-Wan says. "Eat up, and later... later we can continue our conversation. Before bed." 

It's a pause in the conversation, and not a dismissal. Anakin can live with that, even if the porridge goes untasted beneath the lingering memory of Obi-Wan's lips on his.


End file.
